Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
