R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
