the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
