I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
