Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I stole a fireplace last night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
