9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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