Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sext me about skeletons
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
