I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
