even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
