I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
