Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
