forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
