Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
