i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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