the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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