Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
its liver damage thursday
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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