i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
