Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
