it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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