the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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