Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He passed out mid-signature
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
