I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
