yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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