Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
