the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
