I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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