he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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