Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she smelled like a LAN party
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
