I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
