Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
