The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
