he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
