So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
