I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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