If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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