I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
