i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
