id be glad to
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize