you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Semen is not good for contacts.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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