I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
