she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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