We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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