Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
FUCK WHALES
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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