i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I am available for nakedness
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize