Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think people are normalizing furries
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
