sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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