Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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