Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think a kid would responsible me up
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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