There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
