I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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