shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
