we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
