Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
