Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
