somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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