He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
