I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
