its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm both gender and math confused
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
