I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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