yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
