You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
