youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wish I only lived at night.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize