tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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