Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
